Kanstrup McCall posted an update 1 year, 3 months ago
"Independence is loyalty to the best self and fundamentals, and it is often disloyalty to general idols and fetishes." Mark Twain
According to my studies, my experiences and my reflections, I see human growth as a travel – a steep rise from dependence to independence to interdependence to transcendence. This lifetime journey begins at birth, when we are determined by our parents and other loved ones.
The procedure for becoming physically independent is automatic with age. It is a natural part of growing up, and for the majority of us it comes readily. We take up jobs, move out of our parents’ houses, get married and have children – steps toward accepting responsibility for our lives as well as for family members who are now hooked on us. For all, our quest for independence ends here.
But being human is not only about physical and material improvement. We will need to develop emotionally and intellectually. Emotionally, many of us stay dependent – letting situations around us control our emotions. We cannot claim to be independent when we still enable normal events – traffic jams, forgetful spouses, colleague missing deadlines at work, irrational clients – to activate feelings of anger, frustration, helplessness or despair. If we are not masters of our emotions, can we actually be masters of our own fate?
Emotional maturity or independence is not about trying to control what happens to us. Rather it’s about how we respond to what happens to us. It is freedom of choice in how we respond to adverse conditions. We can lash out, as we may have done as children, or we can choose to be concluded and thoughtful and positive about moving ahead.
In my workshops on finding one’s true calling, I borrow a tool from ‘The Art of Possibility’ by Ben and Rosamund Zander.
rh tubarão ask participants to invoke the feeling of ‘How Beautiful’ whenever they’re in a bad situation. By way of example, imagine you are late to an important meeting cause a flight has been delayed. Would you encounter it like a superb moment? Imagine your child is embarrassing you by throwing a tantrum in public. Can you see that as wonderful?
Most participants look at me as if I am crazy. "That could be just like lying to myself," the state. "Even though I say a situation isn’t so bad, it’s still a bad situation. It will not go away." As we workshop this thought further, they concede that they are more likely to think of creative answers when they’re in a good mood than when they’re angry and upset. They also see how a bothersome situation could actually be an excellent chance to learn something new or create some creative thoughts. I’m going to attempt it…"
Moving on to intellectual development, de Tocqueville remarked on how Americans have so little independence of mind but much freedom of conversation. I don’t think this lack of liberty in thought is unique to Americans. It’s a global phenomenon.
Beginning from our schooldays, we’re educated answers to questions that we don’t even have. We’re led to believe that there is 1 right answer and that there’s some expert somewhere that has figured out it. As we grow into adults, we are brainwashed by the media, the promotion messages and the political propaganda; we live in the comfort of not having to exercise our intellect. From the Middle Ages, faith forced humanity to some set of faith. In today’s times, we take the supposed wisdom of scientists and pseudo-scientists – such as economists – without much question.